1.The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
2. How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.
3. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only One. The rest are true stories.
4. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
5. If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
6. What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
7. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
8. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50 ? Your honor.
9. What does a lawyer use for birth control? His personality.
10. What happens when you try to cross a lawyer with a pig? Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.
11. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
12. Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites? New Jersey got first choice.
& drum roll please...
13. What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? Chelsea Clinton.